did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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