My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
