Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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