Your favorite bartender is back from prision
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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