Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
