why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
