don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
