I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
