this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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