Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
