Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Quick, to the slutcave!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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