There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize