you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
