What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
