it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
