White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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