you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
well you can't waste a boner
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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