She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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