so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
