wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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