I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
