every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
