Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
they need to just BURY HIM!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
