If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
