Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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