I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize