I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize