I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
