blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
