did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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