at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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