That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
