Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
