hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
