I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
