Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
