I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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