there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
