Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The cops high fived after they tackled you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
