I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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