We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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