toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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