You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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