8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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