She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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