When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
