nutella sex= disaster
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
