My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
