He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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