Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
