My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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