Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
