R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
