Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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