I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
