Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
