my being single is dangerous.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
