The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
