I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
