so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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