you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
