Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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