Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
