Ketchup is God's man juice
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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