I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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