Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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