Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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