In the future we'll all be gay
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
