1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
