She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
